How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
