Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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