Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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