i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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