i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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