Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
