Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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