Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
