its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
