I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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