i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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