I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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