I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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