She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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