so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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