your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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