I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
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We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
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My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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