I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
