tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
