watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
