i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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