its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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