I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
