And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
