the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
