i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
