we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
