so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
