No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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