dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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