Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
