I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
