Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
