it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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