A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Send help, water and tortillas.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
