Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
