Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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