He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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