I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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