Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
