My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
