I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
