New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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