If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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