I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
