The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
