yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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