Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
