I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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