WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
