i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
