if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Its about making memories worth repressing
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
