You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
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If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
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I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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