If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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