There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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