Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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