just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
