white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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