Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
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I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
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He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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