38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
