Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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