you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
