Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
