I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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