Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
