I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
