I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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