He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
