She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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