My girlfriend figured out who you are.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
