you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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