um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
sarcasm needs its own font
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
