Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
