I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
