I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
