Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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