I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
